Unspoken Messages: What is Really Being Communicated in Relationships
Communication in relationships is a delicate dance of words, tone, and body language. Often, what we say isn't always what we mean. Hidden beneath the surface lies the unspoken messages waiting to be deciphered. Throw on top of this, our history, past experiences, and belief systems that shift the way we take in the messages. It’s complicated!
Let's explore the intricacies of communication in relationships and uncover what we really mean when we speak.
The Power of Nonverbal Cues and How This Really Matters
Did you know that 93% of what is heard by the other person in our communication is the non-verbal messages in tone, body language, and facial expressions? Only 7% matters in the verbal message we relay. I find myself saying to my own kids, “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it!” The way we stand, the tilt of our head, or the flicker in our eyes can convey volumes.
When we say, "I'm fine," but our arms are crossed tightly over our chest, it speaks a lot about our true feelings. Paying attention to these nonverbal cues can reveal the underlying emotions that words fail to express.
Reading Between the Lines
"We need to talk." Four simple words that send shivers down the spine in any relationship! While it may sound straightforward, the underlying message can vary drastically. It could be a call for a heartfelt conversation to deepen the connection or it could signal that there is a conflict on its way. Understanding the context and tone behind such phrases is crucial in decoding the true intent. I also find myself asking for context before I respond as context is so important in really understanding the messages and what is being said. I remember the time my toddler woke me up in the morning by saying, “I want to kill something today”.
I quickly sat up, with some judgments overtaking my thoughts, only to see her standing there with our flyswatter in her hand and remembering the night before trying to get rid of flies that were invading our house!
The Art of REALLY Listening
Communication is a two-way street and listening is as important as speaking. When your partner says, "I'm tired," they might not just be referring to physical exhaustion. It could be a subtle plea for support, understanding, or simply a listening ear. Tuning in to the underlying emotions behind the words can foster empathy and strengthen the bond between partners. A real key to this however, is listening with empathy!
Really trying to hear things from their perspective, trying to step into their shoes, and understand where they are coming from. It is also important to try not to impose our beliefs or thoughts onto them. This is where I love to get more context, ask questions, and try to understand what they are experiencing.
Unveiling Hidden Meanings
"I don't care, do whatever you want" seems like a nonchalant statement, but it holds layers of hidden meanings. It could be an invitation for compromise, a sign of resignation, or even a passive-aggressive way of expressing dissatisfaction. Understanding the nuances of such statements requires digging deeper and deciphering the true intentions behind the words.
Creating a Safe Space
Effective communication in relationships thrives in an environment of trust and vulnerability. When partners feel safe expressing their true thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or backlash, it paves the way for deeper connections and mutual understanding. Ask yourself the question, how safe do I feel to express myself with my partner?
Cultivating this safe space encourages open and honest communication, where both parties can express themselves authentically. If we feel ourselves avoiding hard conversations or expressing how we really feel, this may indicate we don't feel safe to be real.
Remember, communication in relationships is a nuanced interplay of spoken words, unspoken cues, and hidden meanings.
To truly understand what we mean in what we say, we must learn to listen, not just with our ears, but with our hearts through empathy. By going beneath the surface and deciphering the underlying messages, we can foster deeper connections and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.