Building the Foundation: A Guide to Connecting with Your Child
In today's fast-paced and digital world, connecting with your child is more crucial (and challenging) than ever. When working with parents, we get a lot of questions around changing a child's negative behaviours. Many times, the path to get there and change the behaviour is the absence of one foundational piece - connection.
This blog aims to provide practical tips and insights on how to foster a deep and meaningful connection with your child.
Quality Over Quantity
Being a mother of three who runs a business, has 40 plus Lil’ Animal Co-workers to take care of, a house to maintain, and bills to pay…I understand what busy means! With that comes the “guilt monster” of not spending enough time with the kids. What we all must remember, though, is that spending quality time with your child amidst your busy schedule is what’s important. Engage in activities you both enjoy, whether it's playing games, reading, or simply having a heart-to-heart conversation. Quality time strengthens the bond and assures your child that they are a priority in your life.
Active Listening
Let's admit it, we have a lot of distractions that go along with our busy lives. Guilty here too! Next time you are having a conversation with your child, do a quick check: is my phone put away? Is the television off? Am I really paying attention? Remember to pay attention to your child's thoughts and feelings, actively listen without judgment, and encourage them to express themselves openly. This not only builds trust but also helps your child feel understood and valued.
Create Rituals
Think back to when you were a kid. What rituals did your family do? For me, we were lucky to be able to have meals together every day. When I think of the moments that this space allowed for, I realize that it created so many memories and opportunities for connection. Establishing regular rituals or routines can provide a sense of security for your child. Whether it's a bedtime story, a weekend outing, or those meals together, rituals create lasting memories and strengthen the parent-child connection.
Open Communication
Another interesting piece that I see in working with kids therapeutically as well as in being a mom, is how much easier it is to listen without reacting as a therapist vs. as a mother. Let's face it, emotions can get the best of us when we are communicating with our child, but it is crucial to foster an environment where your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns. Encourage open communication and be approachable when they need advice or support. Be alert to 'step back' when listening and work on responding, not reacting.
Lead by Example
I think as parents, we feel that we need to 'correct' behaviour. However, children often learn by observing. So, take a few moments to think about what we model for our children. Remember we will NEVER be perfect and that's okay! The goal is to demonstrate the values and behaviours you want to instill in them. When you act with empathy, kindness, and patience, your child is likely to adopt these qualities.
Celebrate Achievements
We are very strength based in the work that we do at Lil' Steps. We know that focusing on a child's strengths and positive behaviours will decrease negative behaviours. It's a bit of a back door approach, but so important to acknowledge and celebrate your child's achievements, no matter how small. This positive reinforcement boosts their self-esteem and reinforces the idea that you are proud of them.
Respect Their Independence
One of the best things my parents did for me was trust in my decision making, even though they likely knew some of my decisions weren’t the best ones. This helped me to develop a great sense of confidence in my ability to make decisions.
As your child grows, respect their need for independence. Allow them to make age-appropriate decisions and learn from their experiences. This demonstrates trust and helps them develop a sense of responsibility.
Building a strong connection with your child requires time, effort, and consistent communication. By investing in your relationship, you not only provide emotional support but also lay the foundation for a lifelong bond. Remember, the moments you share today contribute to the person your child becomes tomorrow.